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Brackenwood > The Dark Hall > Wordsmithery > Lend me your ears! > Black Tear
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Kilenaa
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with love from the hatred
« on: January 26, 2009, 08:35:55 AM »
Just a random short poem i made when i was a bit depressed.. i dont write poems that much so i think i really suck. any constructive critisim would be helpful  Smiley thnks ^ ^

A tear fell from my face
Making myself a disgrace
Not wanting it to be seen,
My weakness from within

My eyes are covered with black
Hiding the gloom at the back
Blurring my visions,
Only seeing Illusions

Nothing in this world is real,
Just like what i feel
So tired of shedding tears
Along with my heartaches and fears

All the pain and sorrow
from yesterday til' tomorrow,
hoping it would all be over
even though it seems forever
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Go tell the World I’m still around
I didn’t fly, I’m coming down
You are the wind, the only sound
Whisper to my heart
When hope is torn apart
And no one can save you ~
Nimnim
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My foot: apply directly to your forehead!
« Reply #1 on: January 26, 2009, 10:11:14 AM »
that's....beautiful, almost like lyrics to a song...have you ever tried playing music to this?
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Per me si va nella citta dolente,
 per me si va nell eterno dolore,
per me si va tra la perduta gente.
Kilenaa
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with love from the hatred
« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2009, 06:32:54 AM »
Not really... I've never even thought about it before.
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Go tell the World I’m still around
I didn’t fly, I’m coming down
You are the wind, the only sound
Whisper to my heart
When hope is torn apart
And no one can save you ~
LavenderFairy
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Posts: 214


<3 ~


WWW
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2009, 05:09:39 AM »
Its good, portrays the feelings in a clear way, the sorrow, the fear, the desperation, the longing for tomorrow. Its nicely done <3.

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~Life is delicious ~
Brackenwood
   
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