Why, a poem about child abuse [was not abused in real life]

[Mikomi]

Why would you do such things?
Hurt me in many ways
You hit and yell at me
Why would you do such things?

You say that you love me but it is not true
You lie, swear, and lock me away
I sit here and cry all day

In the dark closet with the wind blowing through
Wishing I was better and seemed smart to you
You call me stupid and think I am not pretty
You get drunk and beat me harder
Why was I born for you?
Why daddy, must I die for you.

[elephant]

It's great that you've chosen a subject that is important to tackle,
other than just doing verse on how crap love is or describing the weather outside, as most young poets would (myself included).

The raw quality is somewhat appealing.
However, if I was in any position to give constructive criticism to another poet,
I'd suggest you to use comparisons, think of the meaning and impact of words,
find their weight, and then play around with them a little more.

Here's an exercise from the top of my head--
try writing the same poem without the words hit, cry, dark, wind and beat.

Keep it up!

[Mikomi]

thanks for the tips, ill give it a try