like a one man band.... but sadder

[Woo]

Here is a new one of my poems! I don't like the end, but it wraps it all up. let me know how to twiddle!

Listen here, to what you've made,
I am your sad symphony.
Carved into my heart are the songs I've played
written with the words you've said to me.

I'll play my wrists for you, like a violin
drawing the blade across like a bow
the tendons and veins pulling taunt the skin
while I take the tune on slow.

Oh, the drums envy my heartbeat!
With their slow and steady pace.
And I escape the days on my light feet,
and the dancers scowl at my grace.

Here come the flutes, like my wild cries
unintelligible and sad.
But the meaning is clear, just about, from my eyes
and this opera is driving me mad.

This guitar screams. Electric.
From the 'curves'  can scarce boast.
Like my mind, gestures, eccentric
to hide the fact that I am but a ghost.

Well, I could follow you, the the ends of the Earth.
Play my song wherever you go.
But this symphony, it needs rebirth.
and I'm worth more than that, you know.



ALTERNATE ENDING:
Well, the conductors neck is broken
as this song draws to an end.
And your opinion is left, unspoken
while the band disbands, my friend.


let me know whast you think!

and remeber to keep posting your own work too. I like to read. ^^

[Relym]

Wow, that was... depressing...

Very good, mind, but depressing. I really liked the part about the violin. It all made sense, and the rhyme was quite clever. I'm tempted to go off and write something to counter it, though. Maybe you'll see it come up eventually.

Again, I really liked the poem. It obviously meant something to you.

[Woo]

thank you for replying, I know it is rather depressing. ^.^;; I'll try work on that. its just the kinda mood I was in at the time lol. I'm glad you liked it though

[Relym]

I was in such a drought for poetry for the longest time. And not just for writing, I hadn't read anything even somewhat decent for ages. Coincidentally (or so I thought) it was the same time that this forum died. I'm glad it's begun to kindle again. We need more people like you to really get the spark to catch, though.