My 11 second club entry for March

[Bucks]

Never tried one of these before. So heres my entry so far to the 11 second club, have a few days left so might try and fix some of the many many messy things in it but im pretty damn happy how far I got with it.

I'd love to know what you guys think.
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/qQfLSk27Kzs&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/qQfLSk27Kzs&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;</a>

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQfLSk27Kzs
I still don't know how to embed you tubes   worked it out yays

If you havent heard of it ... http://www.11secondclub.com theres some awesome animation on here.

[Anghenfil]

That's really nice!  I love the spacing, weight, and poses on the kid during the second part when he's in the hall.

I mostly object to the amount of twinning you have on poses in the first half.  Both hands on the kid's ball, hands and elbows in exactly the same place, both hands in the air with "you're on the team," both hands with "ey ey come on" - all twins.  Twins are like exclamation points or ellipses, meaning you should use them sparingly and be selective to enhance the style of the piece.  You can lag one hand behind the other in time slightly to at least make a more interesting-looking twin, or put one hand at a slightly different level or angle to break it up.  If you have the Animation Survival Kit, Richard Williams talks about twins on page 325.  I will say that your acting choices were good enough that the twins didn't terribly distract from the emotion of the piece.  I rather like the asymmetrical/symmetrical punch of "Yeah kid, you're on the team!", it was probably the least intrusive twin of the bunch.  If you broke that one up by a frame or two, I think it would be perfect.  The twin on the arms when he's running down the hall is okay too, though I think you undersell that huge scream a bit.  Maybe a little shake or overlap on his arms as he charges down the hall?  Use your judgement on that one.

If I had to pick my least favorite part of the animation, it would be the "Put some shoes on".  How is the kid holding that ball?  I also would have put the bar further back so the coach could really lean against it instead of standing there with his elbow on it.  Granted, a lean would change the acting slightly, as it would become more casual.  I think in general that one pose and nondescript "point" gesture from the coach is the weakest part of the animation.  The pose looks a little awkward, and especially compared with the energetic and natural gestures in the rest of the piece it stands out as being weaker than the rest.

All in all, very good.  You have great physicality and weight.  The spike and the kid jumping into the coach's arms are far and away my favorite parts of the animation.  Get it done, and good luck!

[Snowman]

Anghenfil has a really great crit there. I just wanted to say I found the video enjoyable and look forward to seeing it finished.

After a couple more views I can see how a more exaggerated running-down-the-hall could be beneficial to the short.

And I agree with Anghen's point here:

If I had to pick my least favorite part of the animation, it would be the "Put some shoes on".  How is the kid holding that ball?

Great work so far though!

[Bucks]

Wow thank you Ang and snowman. 

I have to say twinning never crossed my mind even though I know about it. But lesson learnt =D. The "put your shoes on" bit, originally I had in mind him saying it while gathering himself, but went a different way because i was worried i wouldnt pull it off. I do want to fix his hand on the ball the though.

I can see what you mean about the underselling of the last part and his awkward lean on the desk. Ill see what I can fix up tonight and then thats it. Ill post again when its done for you guys.

[muzzoid]

Really nice mate :0. Good luck with it.

Ang those were some awesome crits.

[tyokio]

looks great! I was having a go at this months too, but I kinda lost faith in my entry. 

[Comlock]

Nice!
small thing: fix those eyes on the coach when he says "yeah kid, your on the team" It looks like he watches in blank air.

?? is the coach saying "you're out of the team", instead of "on the team" Either way would work I guess^^
Do they hand out the text for each exercise on 11second club?

[tyokio]

Do they hand out the text for each exercise on 11second club?

yup, this ones shown on the current competition page http://www.11secondclub.com/competitions/current/

[Bucks]

Thanks all!!

Nice!
small thing: fix those eyes on the coach when he says "yeah kid, your on the team" It looks like he watches in blank air.

?? is the coach saying "you're out of the team", instead of "on the team" Either way would work I guess^^
Do they hand out the text for each exercise on 11second club?

Thanks Comlock and i see what you mean about the eyes, ill fix that one.

Last night ill do anything on it =).

looks great! I was having a go at this months too, but I kinda lost faith in my entry. 

How far did you get Tyokio?

[tyokio]

not much further then this really http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okruKITN42A

[Bucks]

cool, I like how your animations have a lot of energy in them, would have suited this one.

I did all I can do
heres what I submitted, tried to fix a few things, kids hand on the ball and coachs eyes, added some bobbing on his final run, didn't get to change any gestures unfortunately.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/k3SerEPSRg0&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/k3SerEPSRg0&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1&amp;</a>

thanks for the comments everyone.

[Comlock]

sweet! Especially like the part where the coach goes "go put some shoes on". It's great that you don't overdo things just for the sake of animation.
Really nice acting choices all around, and it all makes sense!

I think you're going to be one of those who gets the best votes.
I voted for all the entries, and gave you the highest score. There was just so many entries that didn't make sense, or were just poorly animated.
And the 3D entries really needs to be polished to look more acceptable compared to 2D with great acting in it

Good luck!

[Bucks]

Thanks Comlock  , I got 18th which is still pretty good out of 153. So thanks for the vote, I think I liked the the purple horse one for style and the one with the tall kid that high fives guys in the locker room for animation. The winner was pretty cool as well, 3d one with a really big basketball player.

I agree that there are a lot that look good but the 2 screams at the end didnt seem to fit at all into the story.

I might attempt another one not just yet, I use flash enough at work to not want to use it when i get home, maybe a toon boom one next.